Do NOT Make Eye Contact with the Dolphins

January 18, 2019

Hola Bitcholas,

Today we wanted to know the 'story you tell where alcohol was involved'. Naturally, there was no shortage to booze-soaked tales...but we got side-tracked by two entirely different topics.

The first "shiny object" that distracted us involved jury duty. Miles, you see, has been summoned for jury duty and like most law-abiding citizens, he doesn't wanna do it. The conversation was about how to avoid it. Miles' initial plan was to get himself arrested. If that sounds incredibly stupid it's only because it is.  

Things didn't get any smarter. We encouraged Miles to just act racist...drop and 'n-bomb' or two, you know.   

But our listeners came through with much better, don't f**king respond. Apparently, that's all you need to do. Miles, however, has already 'n-bomb' it is.

The second 'shiny object' was dolphin sex. Miles made mention that he had the "opportunity" to pet a dolphin while visiting the Bahamas years ago. Sounds cool until he explained that if you pet the dolphin wrong, it'll drag you under water and try to have sex with you. You're even warned not to touch the dolphins' 'naughty bits'. In fact, one of the dolphins had attempted to have sex with 6 different people in one month.

Two things; (1) why should you have to tell people NOT to touch a dolphin's penis?!? Who the f**k wouldn't already make that assumption?!?  (2) why would you let people swim with a wild animal that might f**k you?

Is it just me?

I'll leave you with that.

Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!


And if you haven't heard, #BourbonandBaconFest is creeping up quick! It's March 9th and, frankly, it's an excuse to eat bacon and drink bourbon with your friends. Get tickets while you can!