Does Your Pet Smell Yet?

September 6, 2017

Hola Bitcholas,

Like so many times before, today was a day that I farted through the whole show. I knew it would happen. Started the day with a chocolate shake...which I've been doing more and more lately (props to Potbelly for their delicious shakes) and then washed THAT down with an iced mocha from Starbucks. I've played with this particular union before and had the same results; a loud ass.

I just don't care. My drinks are delicious and my butt, in my mind, is pretty damn funny. Not everyone in the studio agrees with my sentiment but, clearly, they're just not agreeable people. 

Ah, so if you're familiar with the show, hearing me fart is as mundane as hearing me speak. Miles, however, pointed out that not EVERYONE is that familiar with the show. Case-in-point, our show debuted in 5 new markets this week (which is f**king awesome) and they might not be prepared for the anal onslaught that I bring. To you folks I say, you'll just have to get used to it. I fart. You fart. Everyone farts...I just happen to enjoy the release AND take some pleasure in how uncomfortable it makes everyone else.

I am very aware that I'm an a**hole.

Otherwise, we had a pretty good show today, I think. We talked about pets, and the crazy ass stuff they do and have done. Two separate stories involved a dead dog being placed in a cooler. I remember that most. One of the dogs died on a camping 2 of a 5 day excursion, so they put the dog in the cooler until they could return home and cremate it. Incidentally, the box of ashes was later mistaken for a birthday gift. 

The other dog-filled cooler housed a dead chuhuahua that had been sucked into the pump of a man-made pond. That poor dog's body spent a week in a cooler in an outdoor freezer before finally being buried. 

I have a dog and she's getting "up there", but I can't imagine stuffing her into a cooler. Wait, maybe I can.

OK, I'm outta here.

Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!