Mmm, Bee Puke!

August 29, 2017


How the hell are you? Me? Well, like yesterday, my voice is still a tin bucket full of gravel. I don't know if I was as pterodactyl-screech bad as yesterday, but it still sucked. Both my voice and how my throat feels.  

Before the show I went on a long, arduous hunt for that throat-coating goodness that is honey. By 'a long, arduous hunt', what I mean is that I looked in 2 cabinets and gave up. Aside from trying to soothe my throat, I was really just trying to avoid drinking tea...which is what everyone recommended. I really hate tea. Never liked it. It's the vegetable of beverages. At any rate, I couldn't find honey so I resigned myself to drinking f**king tea.

As I'm not a tea drinker, I don't know the 'proper' techniques, so I chose to mix orange something tea with some mint sh*t. Everyone told me that it would be horrible. Well, guess what, bitches?  It really was f**king awful. They were right. It was a bad marriage...but I choked it down in an effort to help my throat. 

Then, out of nowhere, Wobbin informs me that she has honey at her desk. I spent the better part of the first hour of the show squeezing it into my mouth. Not a proud moment...and while it was tasty, it didn't help much.

Then it occurred to me how weird it is to eat honey. It's delicious, but it's also bee puke. Think about that. You know the way we think of flies eating poop? How gross we think they are? I would have to imagine that bees look at humans and just think we're f**king disgusting. We spread their puke on toast, drizzle it on cheese, mix it with mustard...We're weird.

OK, I'm outta here. 

Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!