Nightmare Fuel in a Can, Man!

October 19, 2017

Hola Bitcholas,

As we do every "Big Dummy" day (which was today, by the way) we do a 'side- poll' question. We've covered everything from 'porn categories' to 'favorite cheese' to choice of toothpaste. Today we asked about 'canned meat products'.   

We gave you a choice of Vienna sausages, sardines, ham spread or canned whole chicken...and yes, that last one is a thing. It might even be the muse for Metallica's sonic opus "The Thing That Should Not Be". If you make the mistake of looking it up, you will agree. The image of it alone is the stuff of nightmare fuel. It's look like a chicken that has come back from the grave and is REAL angry. Put it this way; if I had to make a choice to eat a canned chicken or wander into the sewer with f**king Pennywise from "It". I'm gonna get to know Pennywise.

That brings me to another thing; it seems to me that situations like the one in "It" could be very easily avoided if we taught kids a few simple rules. I mean, we tell them, 'don't run with scissors', 'look both ways before crossing the street', 'don't talk to strangers' and on and on it goes. How about this: "DON'T TALK TO F**KING SEWER CLOWNS WITH GLOWING EYES!" If you can impart that simple and easily followed advice, you could also avoid the horror-scenario that follows.   

Just sayin'. If you move into a house and the HOUSE says "GET OUT!", LEAVE. DON'T MOVE IN. If you're camping, and say, your best friend's head is thrown through the window of a cabin, LEAVE! Don't say, "we should go see how that happened!" Just my advice to avoid horror story scenarios.

Godzilla on the other hand, well, when homey shows up, get outta town. Alien invasion, can't help you. Sharknado, stay indoors. I'm gonna through every horror movie scenario to figure out how it is that people brought it upon themselves!

Ok bitches, I'm about to go investigate horror movies.

Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!