Real Chitty Movies

November 9, 2017

Hola Bitcholas,

Earlier today, I brought up the fact that I've been (sorta, kinda) trying to introduce my kids to the 'classic' movies I grew up with. They, like most kids ages 5 to 7, enjoy all of the Pixar and Disney stuff that they pump out every 30 seconds. They don't ALL suck...not Pixar anyway. Sorry Disney, I didn't like your movies as a kid and like them less as an adult. Truth is, they just sing too goddamn much. Every conversation breaks into song and it has always driven me crazy.

The other night I tried to convince them to watch 'Wizard of Oz'. My son was down, but my daughter had already seen it and the witch...and those creepy blue monkeys...f**ked with her head and she didn't wanna see it again. Fair enough. We ended up watching 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' instead. I was cool with that, but after the Oompa Loompas and the deaths of multiple children, I think they wished we'd watched the 'Wizard of Oz'.

So I brought this up and the suggestions started rolling in for movies to introduce them to. Here are a few:

"Charlotte's Web"...fine movie, but one of the greatest tear-jerkers ever. Not ready to listen to the kids blubber inconsolably. Plus, I don't like spiders and have no problem killing them. I don't need my kids wanting me to spare them!

"Chitty-Chitty Bang- Bang"...personally, I've never seen the movie and have no urge to, BUT I think I could sit through it. Actually, I don't even know what this movie is about. A train or something?

"Mary Poppins"...this is another classic that I've never seen and I don't think I want to. She sings a lot, right?

"Old Yeller"...come on, man. I'm not trying to traumatize the kids. And our dog is not doing so great the moment, so I think I'll avoid that for now.

"The Never Ending Story"...first of all, the title is misleading. The movie only lasts about 80 minutes or so. That, and we've already seen it. I hadn't seen it before watching it with the kids. It was OK. Not the worst. 

 If you have any suggestions, let me know. Tried "E.T." and they had no interest. Tried "Goonies" and they thought it was crap. *sigh*

OK bitches, I'm out.

Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!