SHOW # 2300 January 12 2016

January 12, 2016
"Hola amigos,
A guy in Portland, Oregon went to a pet store last Friday and decided that he needed a ball python... because why wouldn't he?   Instead of paying the $200 for it, he simply stuffed the python down the front of his pants and left the store.  Check it out here:

I'm not necessarily scared of snakes but I can assure you that I have no interest in stuffing one down my pants.  That holds true for any and every animal.  We asked WHAT DID YOU HAVE HIDING IN YOUR PANTS?
One of the first calls we got involved a guy who got drunk and stole a snapping turtle from a Petco.  In other news, you can get a snapping turtle at Petco.  In case you're wondering, yes, the snapping turtle bit his leg.  He said he was surprised that it bit him.   Its called a f**king SNAPPING turtle.  What else did he really think it was gonna do?   I don't know much about snapping turtles, but I just assume that they snap a lot.  It's right there in the name. 
Another guy had a ferret in his pants.  In this case, the ferret snuck into them (???) so imagine his surprise when the thing bit his balls.   That's just wrong. 
The other story that resonated with me was from the guy who snuck a knife into a sporting event.   It was one of those situations where he simply forgot that he had it on him.  Anyway, he hid it down the front of his pants and blamed his belt buckle for setting off the metal detector.  It worked.  Problem was, the knife unfolded IN HIS PANTS!  Had to walk GINGERLY to the restroom and remove it before cutting off his balls.
Yea, it was that kinda day.
OK bitches,  I'm out until tomorrow.  Until then, STAY BEAUTIFUL!"