Yo Momma's So What?!

September 13, 2017

Hola Bitcholas,

Today we asked, "If Your Car Could Talk, What Story Would It Tell?" This is a loaded question because we know that you and everyone you know does all sorts of things in their own car. Sing, fart, f**k, puke, pick your nose, masturbate...your car, if it could talk, could embarrass you worse than your parents sharing childhood stories.  

We heard from the woman who has sharted TWICE in her car...with cloth seats. We had a different woman share the tale of driving her puking alpaca to the vet. The alpaca, by the way, rode in the passenger seat. (???)

But then we had a guy who mentioned that he'd been kicked out of a bachelor party (which is impressive in and among itself) because he was relentless with "yo mama" jokes. He couldn't remember any of the jokes he'd told that nearly got him beaten to death...so I took this opportunity to revisit some of the "yo mama" I remember from my youth.

Yo momma's teeth are so yellow, when she smiled at traffic, it slowed down.

Yo momma's so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Yo momma's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Yo momma's so fat, when she went to the beach, all the whales started singing "We Are Family."

Yo momma's so dumb, when she went to the movies and saw the "Under 17 not permitted" sign, she left to get 16 of her friends.

Yo momma's so fat, it took me two trains, a plane, and a bus to get to her good side.

Yo momma's so dumb, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.

Yo momma's so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: "To be continued."

Yo momma's so dumb, when she saw the "Disneyland left" sign, she went home.

Yo momma's so fat, when God said "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.

Yo momma's so dumb, when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.

Yo momma's so ugly, she made an onion cry.

Yo momma's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Yo momma's so old, when she lifted her boob to wash under it, a pilgrim fell out.

Yo momma's so stupid, she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said "concentrate." 

Yo mama's so fat that when she sees a school bus she yells, "Stop that Twinkie!"

Yo Mama is so ugly, she's going to be in trouble when the baboon wants its ass back.

Yo Mama is so poor, she only gets robbed for practice.

I'm not sure that any of these are worth getting your ass kicked, but they make me laugh.  

OK, that's all I've got. Yo mama!

Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!